WARNING:: This is very long... I can't help it... its my favorite place in the world! :D
A few years ago, a friend let me borrow a movie that, unfortunately, I have never been able to forget. This movie brought a lot of controversy to the public when it came out, not only because it was so incredibly disturbing, but because it was about teenagers- both boys and girls- and the things they do in a typical day. And it wasn't just some story somebody made up. It was and is a true story: the drugs, the alcohol, the sex, the fighting, the stealing, the diseases, yada yada yada! It was an awful "movie" and I've been creeped out by it since I watched it several years ago.
The day I met a group of sixth grade kids in Los Cedros may have been one of the best days ever (seriously), but I was also reminded of that movie, mostly because one of the boys, Jonny (I think that's how they spell it) looks exactly like one of the boys in the movie. As I looked at each of them, I got this uncomfortable feeling, knowing these kids could potentially be facing some of the things the movie depicted. In that moment I was scared for them. I didn't want them to leave the classroom for fear of what activities they would find to do, considering Los Cedros is a very small and poor community, with not much to do. What do bored kids do? Worse yet, what do these kids think is the point of life?
Los Cedros is about thirty minutes outside of Managua, the capitol of Nicaragua. It is a very rural, poor community, and some of it's homes look like they belong in La Chureca (the dump), but they live well. It is also extremely chill (relaxed... not cold) and if you know me, you know I like chill...
Katrina, one of the other interns, and I were dropped off in Los Cedros for our "solo journey". The purpose of it is to spend a week on our own in a sense, living with a family getting to know the community and being of service to them. It was extremely awkward for the first hour or so, as Katrina and I had no idea what to do, or even where we were staying. The other intern, the only Spanish speaker, was very sick and didn't get to go, so that didn't help matters. We honestly had no idea what to do, and I was getting worried we weren't allowed to play with the kids much... silly me...
Now, there is something about Washington people and Los Cedros. A team of high schoolers from a church in Seattle happened to be serving in Los Cedros during the days that week. The church, Northshore, actually "adopted" Los Cedros, and helps run one of the schools and such. I absolutely loved this group of amazing kids! They were so much fun, and you could tell they really loved the kids they were serving- like really, really loved them. They were so stoked to be with them. I'm so glad I met each of them, and I miss them a lot! They are some seriously legit kids!
The day we were dropped off in Los Cedros was the first day this team was serving there. They took a group of kids on a hike around noon, but I stayed behind with a few girls from the team (come on, everyone was making it sound like the hike was the hike of all hikes and super dangerous- I didn't feel like falling off a cliff on my first day ;] but it turns out it wasn't that bad). Not knowing what to do, Faith, one of the girls on the team that stayed behind, and I walked into one of the classrooms. And that's where it all started... by the end of the week, that class and I were pretty much best friends ;]
The class was full of sixth graders, but they were anywhere from eleven years old to sixteen. There were maybe fifteen boys to four girls. The boys ruled the classroom while the girls were quiet unless they wanted to start a fight. Each day was always a little wild, and every once in a while you would see a kid get up and leave in the middle of class- sometimes they would come back. I'm not sure if they ever learn anything, because they were always playing frisbee or tag during class, or just messing around in the back. The teacher did her best to keep their attention, often looking over at me smiling and rolling her eyes. I was amazed that when the teacher asked me to help teach English, they were actually listening to me... that's a first for me! I've never been able to get kids to focus!
Despite their desire to be as ornery as possible, each of these kids were extremely sweet- the sweetest I've ever encountered (all but one who refused to acknowledge me unless he was in a position to make fun of me :P). The boys would randomly come up to me during class and touch my hair (I know- weird huh?) or give me pieces of paper with their names on it, add to my bracelet collection, or just stand in front of me and stare into my eyes and smile... it was sometimes a tad on the creeper side... The girls would just come sit or stand next to me and hold my hand. Some would try to get me to help them with their work, forgetting that I don't understand Spanish.
During recess, a whole other group of younger kids would attack me.
In this group, I met Cristian, who unintentionally influenced everyone to make me cards and drawings- every two minutes I had another one of these. After about two days though, the other girls got bored with that, but Cristian never stopped. Every day she wrote me letters, and made me a bracelet, but always handed them to me in such a way as to not draw attention to herself. She is a very quiet and coy girl. When the other girls would demand attention, she would let them have their moment, and patiently wait for her opportunity to hug me or hold my hand. She always let others have their way, and always had a good attitude about everything. Let's just say she is the walking definition of "humble". And even though I didn't understand her, I knew her words and actions were encouraging. If there is anybody that has ever inspired me, its this little girl, and I'm so thankful for her. I pray she never gets hard-hearted, but will continue to hold onto these behaviors. I can't help but wonder what the Lord has planned for her, and I pray she will be willing and obedient to His calling. She's going to turn out to be one epic lady, that's for sure!
^^ Cristian (darker skin) y Sharon (lighter skin)
I love it when the Lord gives me specific things I can pray for, in a similar way as with Cristian. I met another little girl, who reminds me a lot of myself at that age. Of course, I never did learn her name... I know I'm a terrible person... She's a lot tougher than the other girls, and didn't even seem to want to be around girls (unless you were older)- you always saw her with a little boy named Luis. She wasn't sassy like most of the girls with an attitude- she was just rough. Now, that's not to say she never smiled. She just usually smiled to older people. And when she did smile, her whole body would go on spastic mode! One day I ran into her as she was walking with a very old man, hand in hand. He was a very sweet man, but seemed like a sad person. She told me this man was her dad, and she was so incredibly excited to introduce me to him. Her eyes got big and she was jumping up and down.You could tell she really, really loved him. It actually reminded me of when we lived in the desert in California, and my dad and I would walk to the store every day. I loved those walks with him. And I'm sure if someone would run into us, I would have reacted the same way that she did.
So what is it that I pray for? Well, I could be totally wrong, but I can't help but think her mama is not in the picture (you know what I mean). But I pray for her as she grows up, and I pray for her papa as he raises her. I don't pray for her rough personality to change- I like her exactly the way she is. I just pray for her heart. I pray for peace and encouragement for both her and her papa. I also pray she never stops loving her papa as much as she does now- no matter how much he may hurt her in the future. I pray she learns to be forgiving at an early age.
^^Tough girl and her BFF Luis^^
But not knowing for sure about their families is a challenge for me. Not knowing exactly what these kids go home to or what is going on in their lives is one of the most frustrating things. Not knowing how Jordan's family is doing since his brother's murder a few weeks ago. Not knowing if Cristian's sister is feeling better. I know nothing, but it reminds me that I have to trust the Lord. And He knows what's up, so even if I don't know how to pray for them, He knows exactly what they need. This is a reminder I need every single day, because I think of another family in Los Cedros, EVERY SINGLE DAY... seriously... and it drives me crazy that I don't have facts.
The family I think of every day includes more kids than you can count on your fingers- tons of cousins packed into a tiny little home, one that I call my own home- literally. One day, while walking through the neighborhood, the other interns and a former intern joked and said I didn't want to be Nicaraguan. Shocked, I told them "Adios" and that I was going "a mi casa en Los Cedros" (to my house in Los Cedros) as if I totally were Nicaraguan. I began walking towards a house, not realizing this was the very home of Jimmy, mi hermanito (little brother).
Jimmy is sixteen, the oldest in the sixth grade class I hung out with. The moment I walked in that class, he somehow decided I would be the best person to totally mess with. He was the biggest trouble maker in that class, and usually the one to initiate all the other boys to wreck havoc. He was also the one to leave in the middle of class altogether, if he went at all. But he was much different outside of the class. My second day in Los Cedros, he wasn't in class, and the boys tried to tell me he was very sick. I knew that wasn't true, and found him playing soccer (this kid plays like a pro) with the boys his age. It makes sense that he would want to be with his friends that are his age, rather than in a class full of little kids and his little sister, who are all smarter than him. Ouch. What he doesn't understand, is that the more he skips, the further he'll get behind.
So to get back at him for messing with me, I started messing with him, trying to get him to go to class, do something responsible (like stop making his little sister carry his notebook), stop being disrespectful (like stop interrupting the teacher), yada yada yada. But the more I spent time with this kid picking on him, the more I loved this kid, and the more I actually cared about his future. He takes me right back to the movie I mentioned earlier, and that scares me.
The night I realized just how much I love and would never want to leave this kid, I almost looked like a crying fool- thankfully I held it together. It was the last night the Northshore team was there, and they threw a big fiesta after a day of games. A few girls and two older boys- Jimmy and Wilmer (another amazing kid)- performed a traditional dance. I thought the dance was over when Wilmer waltzed on over to one of the girls on the team, and Jimmy to me, dragging us into the dance... embarrassing... but the idea is to eventually get everyone involved, one by one, which none of us expected. Then it turned into a huge dance party, and it was sooooo much fun- all smiles. Then things got a little serious- a big hit. Ben, the pastor from Northshore shared the gospel, and said something about how he refuses to say goodbye because he hopes to spend eternity with each of them. I almost burst into tears at the thought of being away from Jimmy (or any of them), especially for eternity. A few days is hard enough. That night I told him, again, how important it is that he go to class, but explained to him that I love him and care about his future. Then I told him he is like my little brother, and I thought for a second he too was going to cry :P The following day he gave me his school picture.
He told me he has seven brothers and sisters (though I only saw three, and his little brother David, five years old? Hands down, the PRETTIEST boy in the world... no joke, no exaggeration... the PRETTIEST), all with different fathers, none of which are around (at least I don't think so?). His grandma, aunt and cousins (I counted three cousins) also live with them. Now that's a full house! A lot of people in a super tiny house.
I know his grandma and aunt are involved with the church, but when Sunday morning rolled around, I didn't see anyone from his family, aside from one cousin. When I asked, he said they were at his house and didn't come to church. Unfortunately my limited Spanish limited the details :/ The only other one I saw was Douglas!
And then there was Kevin, Douglas' little brother and another one of Jimmy's cousins. This boy is twelve years old and in the first grade- twice as old as first graders in the States, and even some throughout Nica. He too thought I would be the best person to mess with, and spent the whole week making fun of me- of course he knew how and when to be sweet as well. But he reminded me of how easy it is for these kids to feel worthless. One day, an eleven year old from Managua with more advantages especially in her education, asked how old he was and what grade he was in. When he answered her questions, her jaw dropped and she gasped. He looked like he was about to cry, and it took several minutes of joking with him to get him back to his goofy self. But this is a burden for him every day, just as it is with Jimmy- they are in a class full of little kids. They are reminded each day, that they are not as "smart" as they should be. In what other areas do they feel they are not "good enough" for? How often are they made fun of? What about them makes them feel "worthless"?
Which takes me to Douglas and Kevin's sister, yet another one of Jimmy's cousins, and one of the few girls in the sixth grade class. I'll blame it on the fact that her name is super complicated, and that's why I don't remember it :P This girl was constantly made fun of, even by her family, because of her slanted eyes. When she was in class, she always looked extremely angry and yelled at everyone- I was a little afraid of her and had the idea that I would keep my distance. But she had other plans and ended up stuck to my side, even when she was supposed to be home. She was so sly, sometimes I never knew she was there, or why she was there, but I learned that I could always count on her to be next to me. It was almost as if she would use me to hide from others, especially the boys, and when she could hide, her face softened, she relaxed, and even laughed- and when she smiled, her eyes were so pretty, I don't understand why she would be made fun of so much... so pretty! I tried to tell her how pretty she was every time I saw her, and she lit up each time.
I learned how kind and caring she was, and that she wants so much to be loved, but not even her own brothers and cousins will comfort her. Instead they all make fun of her and encourage other kids to join in- that's a lot of kids. This girl feels worthless just because of her eyes are a tad different from the others.
When we were taken back to Los Cedros to say our "goodbyes", this girl dragged me into her house (remember- my house :P) so that her mom could take a picture of me before I walked her and Dulces, Jimmy's little sister, to school. Jimmy's beautiful mom was doing laundry with a huge smile on her face, his extremely adorable baby sister Carmen was running around in a diaper, and Keven and David waited for me at the gate so they could make fun of me just a little more before I left. I didn't want to leave this family, who I've come to love so much. I see them as my own family, and think of them every day.
I didn't actually get to say goodbye to Jimmy because he was in class- yes! In class!! I'm so proud! But maybe it was a good thing that I didn't say goodbye, because as we left, I turned into one blubbering mess. I don't think I've ever cried that hard, especially in front of people.
I wanted so badly to explain to each of these kids in Los Cedros how much they are loved- more than they can possibly imagine. That they are not worthless, and that the Lord has plans for them. That there is a point to life, but it doesn't include the things I'm afraid they'll turn to. Its hard not being able to speak their language- aside from silly topics like Justin Beiber. But I have to trust that the Lord's love was expressed through my actions. That my smiles and hugs said enough. I ask that you pray with me, in that these kids will come to understand the Lord's love for them.
I miss my alarm clock: the lovebirds outside the room and the pigs squealing. I miss waking up to an elderly woman giving me lectures about not wearing shoes and liking black coffee. I miss walking on the school property only to be attacked and hugged by each kid there before they carry on with whatever they were doing. I miss walking into a classroom and having the kids invite me to sit with them and learn with them. I miss playing "pato, pato, ganso" (duck, duck, goose) until I got too tired to continue. I miss walking to the pulperias (little stores) running into excited kids and their families along the way. I miss Wilmer and his creepy laugh. I miss the never ending worship services at the church. I miss the sixth grade boys standing on each other so they would be my height and able to dance with me. I miss sitting in the sun and extreme heat by the soccer fields cheering the kids on. I miss five year old David running up to hold onto my legs so I could fix his messy hair. I miss Tolifer trying to wrap her belts around me. I miss the kids laughing at me as I try to figure out how to drink coke from a bag, a skill they all have. I miss the random break-dance sessions the older boys would do as they said goodnight. I miss... I think you get the picture... I miss Los Cedros.
Los Cedros is my home, and I'm hopeful the Lord will send me back home to my family.
